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December 2013 Archives

Santa Clause Charged with Indecent Assault of Elf


Santa Clause faces charges of indecent assault in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts following allegations that he groped the buttocks of an 18 year old female elf while the two were working at the Hanover Mall on November 23, 2013. Santa Clause impersonator Herbert Jones, denied groping the teen, claiming that her 18 year old butt accidentally brushed against his 62 year old hands. Jones was released on $1,000 bail, and either through perfect timing or the aid of a court clerk with a sense of humor, his next court appearance is slated for Christmas Eve. bad-santa.jpg

Thefts from Work Place Fridge Have Serious Consequences

Thefts from employee break-room refrigerators and cupboards are a common work place annoyance, yet few people stop to think that this is not merely rude and inconsiderate behavior, but an actual crime. Recently, a Pennsylvania man from the Lehigh Valley was so fed up with his food being stolen, that he called the police to report a theft of his Jello-snack from the communal fridge. Rather than laughing away the complainant, the Upper Macungie Township Police are investigating the matter. Sandwich.barbedwire.jpg

Should I Hire a Criminal Defense Attorney Before I am Charged?

Understandably, subjects of a criminal investigation are reluctant to hire a criminal defense attorney before they are charged. They think to themselves that they might be wasting money, if they are ultimately not going to be charged anyway. This flawed logic is akin to believing that you should not quit smoking until you have lung cancer. Just as a smoker can greatly improve his health by quitting smoking before he contracts a serious illness, so too can a suspect greatly ameliorate or even eliminate his damages by hiring an attorney before he has been charged. Police-Interrogation.jpg

Pennsylvania Retail Theft Law is Not the Only Thing "The Goldbergs" Gets Wrong

If you watched a recent episode of the ABC sitcom, "The Goldbergs," you would have been led to believe that retail theft in Pennsylvania is a minor inconvenience and embarrassment resulting in nothing more than being banned from the store in question. In the episode "Shopping," which aired on December 3, 2013, mother Bev Goldberg abuses her daughter Erica's employee discount at Gimble's department store, to the point that Erica risks being fired. Erica retaliates by slipping an unpaid item into Bev's shopping bag, leading mall security to nab her when an alarm goes off as she exits the store. The-Goldbergs.jpg

Police Mistake Mints for Illegal Drugs, Arrest the Mint User

A 46 year old Brooklyn man spent 30 hours behind bars in April of this year for the crime of possession of MDMA pills, an illegal drug better known as ecstasy or E. A drug arrest story would be unremarkable, but for the fact that the pills in his pocket did not go by the name "Ebeneezer Goode." Instead, they were POW brand energy mints, a perfectly legal cocktail of stimulants. Energy mints are similar to energy drinks, containing sugar, caffeine, taurine, vitamins and ginseng, giving the user a legal speed rush. Wiggums.flanders.jpg

Centre County Expungement Filing Fees See Major Increase

Recently, Centre County, Pennsylvania defense attorneys received notice that the filing fees for expungements will increase from $15 to $75 effective January 2, 2014. The filing fee had remained at $15 for many years, even though it was costing the Clerk of Courts Office a lot more than $15 to handle the voluminous, bureaucratic paperwork and procedures associated with each expungement filing. With the increased fee, I suspect that the Centre County Clerk of Courts will go from losing money on expungements to making a small profit, which will offset losses in other areas. Centre.County.Courthouse.jpg